November 2012
1 post
This Friday I go in for a physical exam, where my clinic will make sure I won’t have any complications on testosterone by doing a lot of blood work and by cavity searching my cervix. Not really looking forward to either of those, though honestly I am having a hard time deciding which procedure I am looking forward to less. I guess a phobia of needles really doesn’t work in my favor...
October 2012
4 posts
2 tags
His Goddamn Happiness
triggers for: depression and probably abuse.
—-
I was a shitty sister to my little brother.
He is just like my father. Immature for his age, probably doomed with a ten year old’s sense of cruel humor. He is good with cars and machinery. He is a little entitled, still balls-deep in puberty and butting heads with my parents. I suspect he will be ending his one and only puberty while...
3 tags
College
Trigger warnings for alcohol and depression.
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The first time I said it, I thought the person just made a mistake. They had called me she by mistake. My voice was still rather high, and I didn’t have a new binder yet and they might have seen something. I sat in the back and the teacher knew me and rarely called out my name for attendance. I made up excuses for them. I corrected...
wow why did nobody tell me I posted a jaguar to my trans blog
YOU ARE NOT TRANS JAGUAR GO AWAY
well maybe you are dont let me live your life but you need to go
Hello everyone! I am sorry that I have not posted in a while. And this is a half assed one from my phone.
I am currently at my month post op appointment. Everything has been fine surgery wise. I am very happy and I just ordered a new underworks binder and it should be here by the time I go back home for the long weekend. I hope to have some pictures for you all soon.
Just a reminder that if...
August 2012
8 posts
Hello everyone!
I am home now after a terrible night in the hospital (not terrible as in the nurses were bad - they were all wonderful - but terrible as in the anesthesia kept making me vomit). I will make a detailed post about it as soon as typing for a long period doesn’t make my chest ache.
I am very happy. With a big shirt you can barely see them, and thats with a hospital grade...
3 tags
Also guys I’ve been thinking of doing a whole big post on transphobia and cissexism and How Not To Be an Asshole.
On a scale of casting Matt Damon in True Grit to voting Republican as an LGBTQ person how bad of an idea is this.
3 tags
My surgery is Thursday.
This…kind of crept up on me to be honest. Everything kind of did. Summer is such a lazy season and you get so used to sleeping until whenever and stewing in your own juices that when the real meat of August comes around its like a fucking smack to your face. BAM CONGRATS MOTHERFUCKER HAVE SOME RESPONSIBILITIES AGAIN. And then it rubs your face in it, steals your...
5 tags
Provincetown in Several Meaningless Parts
Part One: The Battery
I was ready. I had everything. I had packed nicely and remembered the water and my shoes. My father had taken the GPS accidentally but whatever I could just follow my friend. I was in my car and ready to go.
The key turned and the engine didn’t even fucking whisper. Not a rattle, not a mumble. It didn’t even give me a sputter, a hope that maybe - maybe - the...
That ask scared the shit out of me because for a full minute I thought my insurance company was stalking me but I couldn’t just leave it unanswered I mean that’s rude as hell.
And then I realized that how the ever-lasting fucknuggets would they find me
How
How
I am just paranoid.
Also guys I totally welcome asks and stuff and you don’t even need to be on anon. I don’t...
Anonymous asked: Did your insruance pay for your reduction?
6 tags
I never really took my fear of needles into...
[Squick warning for needles]
The night before, I had to shave my legs. Under my arms. Wash away months of growth, months of waiting for my light hair to grow thick enough to be visible. I went to bed at five in the morning and was up at nine.
Because driving in Boston is akin to a trial of Hercules if you’re not used to it, we were driving to the outskirts and taking the subway in, which...
July 2012
5 posts
I know I haven’t updated in a while, and that’s because nothing really relating to my transliness has happened recently. At least, nothing new. I’ve been having problems with my family, but that’s nothing something I want to share in detail with the internet.
Last Thursday I went in for my reduction pre-op, and I am currently composing that post, and it should be up within...
For some reason the shirt I feel most comfortable in is my Ugly Hawaiian Shirt
and the only pair of male pants I own are cargo shorts
so tonight I am going to the movies while looking like I am ready for the beach.
6 tags
Going into this, I might have fully expected to one day wake up and feel as masculine as possible. Just BAM, I climb out of bed and I walk with a swagger and I stand without putting more weight on one foot than the other and I will never ever do the ‘limp wrist’ gesture ever again. The sheer intensity of my manliness will somehow overtake everything. The tropical theme of my room will...
domesticatedwerewolves:
I just realized I will essentially going through my second puberty while my cousin is going through his first
oh
god
I further compressed my chest with a layer of duct tape over my binder.
It looks better
but fuck I can’t breathe.
I’ll probably take most of it off before I go out, but I think I will enjoy it for a little longer before I do that.
June 2012
5 posts
5 tags
ROFCAL (Rolling on the floor crying a little)
Some days I can deal with not being able to bind. Usually they are the days when I need to be out of the house really quick; shit Gabe we need milk to make pudding no we can’t use the almond soy milk you barbaric Wiccan heathen so I need to hop in my twelve year old bright blue Oldsmobile and drive to WalMart or Stop&Shop because I don’t have time to squeeze myself into a binder...
4 tags
Okay so how bad is it when you ask your OB/GYN if she has any other FTM patients, and you get the ‘we have all sorts of patients!’ answer.
how
bad
7 tags
Somebody call the WHAMBULANCE
Wow has anyone else used that phrase since like 2008? WHATEVER BRO I HAVE SOME FEELS.
SO MANY ANNOYING FEELS I thought it needed a cut. There is seriously like a small college thesis of BAAAAAAAW under this thing. I tried to make it amusing though so if you need a good laugh u_u
[[MORE]]
I normally don’t like to complain. At least not to people who aren’t my family; even my...
9 tags
wow Gabe, way to hold your pinky up IN EVERY...
Guess who went to WalMart?
ME.
And guess what I got?
UNDERPANTS FUCK YEAH
(say hi to Thelma and Louise. My binder is missing at the moment and I suspect my dog is using it as a bed)
(also yeah I had to get a 2XL because my ass is really big. Hence why I can wear one as a FUCKING BABUSHKA)
They feel…
different.
Not bad just…
different.
Kind of like there’s a penis...
8 tags
I almost didn’t do it.
I was standing in front of the women’s restroom, watching all of my friends go into it. I almost automatically followed them in to continue to join in the conversation we were having (it was probably about butts, not gonna lie), but I stopped, thinking that this could totally be my chance. The park was busy. There were at least six thousand middle school field...
May 2012
12 posts
9 tags
The Land of Giant Tubs of Butter
My aunt announced the breaking of her heart over my chosen name, which she loves. We discussed how I came upon it, which was an embarrassing combination of the fact that I spent a good chunk of my time on baby name sites, looking for candidates for nameless characters I’m making, and an intense interest in Supernatural at the time, WHICH ONLY LED ME TO REALLY LIKE THE NAME. I swear to God I...
11 tags
His name is Rockefeller
It is the very early morning of Sunday, the twenty seventh of May, in the year 2012 (also known as the year giant scoops of ice cream will take over the earth and end the world).
2:40am WOW I AM LEAVING IN LIKE TWO HOURS I SHOULD MAYBE PACK
2:45 throw maybe four acceptable t-shirts, three button downs, the only pair of shorts I own, three pairs of jeans, and a pair of khakis onto the bed and...
10 tags
Three more years to go, motherfuckers
God damn its good to be home. I’m pretty sure my bedroom at home is as big as my dorm room at college. I rearranged some things, put a lot of the useless stuff (like a jewelry box full of stuff I have literally never worn and the 67 wicker baskets my mum thinks organize shit). I even convinced my mother to maybe possibly let me get rid of the massive desk and the weird cabinet I have and let me...
3 tags
I might have possibly fiddled with my blog layout, because I’m a big gay and I like things to look pretty. Also damn son there’s an awful lot of pink for a blog about my descent into manhood (glorious, scratching, belching manhood).
I like pink. Pink is nice. It takes balls to be pink in this society where pink is only okay on girls and maybe once in a while in a pale pink shirt or...
10 tags
My Mother told me to pretend I was dressing in...
A week or so ago I had an appointment with a plastic surgeon at Mass General (I almost spelt that as “Mass Genderal”. One track mind, people) to help make a case to my insurance company about the fact that I might medically need reduction surgery.
We had it all planned out. I was dressed girly (ish. I had on jeans and a women’s t-shirt. Its a real cool shirt and I like it so...
7 tags
"This is for your mother and me and your...
My aunt said this as she cut the Mothers Day cake, slicing through a layer of rippled white frosting and cleaving a pink rose in half. I answered with a drawn out noooo that was followed immediately by a small chuckle while I cried a little on the inside.
I have probably mentioned before how much I love my family. They are not perfect, but our get-togethers are often fun. Its more than just...
5 tags
Buying Men's Clothes When There's an Ass in the...
This is not an advice post. Mostly because I blow ass at buying clothing for myself.
When I go on a big shopping spree with my mother, I buy about ten things and regularly wear maybe two of them. Occasionally I will become convinced that my favorite pair of jeans is in fact an imposter and I will refuse to wear them, and instead wear a pair that I have never worn ever before but suddenly they fit...
Brave
“You’re so brave for being who you are!”
Well, that’s great and all, and thanks, but um I’m not really -
“You courageous little man!”
excuse me I didn’t give you permission to use that pronoun please stop I’m not binding and -
“I look up to you so much.”
Why in the actual fuck would you ever do that.
Every time I come out to...
5 tags
The continued evidence that I cannot smile...
I have to have lunch with a professor
I think I’m a little overdressed
Not Pictured: the black jeans I have on because of my woeful lack of slacks
no seriously why can’t I smile on camera without looking like a stroke victim
:C
4 tags
yolkope reblogged your post: Shit Son ELEVEN Followers
HOW ARE YOU SO AWESOME? D:
*kawaii desu desu blush*
Actually I am not very awesome at all
It is you who is awesome.
7 tags
Shit Son ELEVEN Followers
To most that seems like hurrdurr spare change but aaaa its flattering as hell to know that eleven people give a shit and tolerate seeing my fuddyduddy bullshit on their dash every once in a while.
Its really quite uplifting, especially during finals week, which if you’ve never experienced it is like an up-at-dawn, pride-swallowing siege of pain and misery. And fortunately it happens at the...
7 tags
I am getting really used to hearing Gabe instead of my old name. It has gotten to the point where there is a real difference between the two; I view the old name as something that legitimately happens in the past. I mean I’m still called it like 60% of the time, by teachers and my relatives and my parents, and it probably won’t get full time use until my reduction surgery and (fucking...
April 2012
8 posts
4 tags
My mother, aunt, and cousin are coming up today, because my cousin is apparently going to college soon.This is weird because I still think she’s like fourteen with no boobs.
Anyway, this’ll be the first time I’ve been around family (other than my grandmother and papa, both of whom know about the transliness) since I decided to begin transition. I will not be binding, nor will I...
6 tags
A totally humorous respite
I have eight a.m classes on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. I do not sleep easily, so when I wake up at seven I am less than rested, usually. I need me a good ten hours of sleep, kind of like a lion but also like a lazy fucker.
I still use the female restroom, partly because I doubt a school that’s making a fuss about putting me in a dorm for 21 year olds when I’m (fucking...
6 tags
just something quick
I am so lucky to have my small group of friends.
I cannot think of anything about them that is bad or anything that should be removed.
When I told them that I was trans they all said ‘yes yes this is great we’re right here’. When my parents tell me that I need to go out and find other transgender people so that I can have people who know what I’m feeling and can support...
9 tags
10 tags
Once there was this cockroach at Park Street and I...
Let me tell you about my trip into Boston for my first therapy session. I always try to be early for everything, so I set out at noon even though it was set for three. The train in only takes about a half an hour at the least, and the subway ride was another half hour, so I still had about an hour and a half (counting the half hour I give the taxi service to get me to the depot). And then I sat...
3 tags
8 tags
Okay so a very many things happened,
And I’ve been very bad and haven’t really written about them yet.
Actually, I’ve simply been very busy doing nothing. Like the sort of procrastination that’s essentially 80% watching videos on youtube and refreshing tumblr, all the while thinking that I really should do something but then I don’t. My ass has become semi-permanently glued to my dorm bed, and...
1 tag
Top 10 Things Health Reform Does for Gay and... →
neutrois:
The Affordable Care Act Is ‘The Strongest Foundation’ for Closing LGBT Disparities
In a recent speech at the first-ever White House LGBT Health Conference, Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius noted, “The Affordable Care Act may represent the strongest foundation we have ever created to begin closing LGBT health disparities.”
Worth a read. Definitely a lot of...
March 2012
14 posts
6 tags
A shorter post than usual
Today it came up in my professional writing class - a class outside of my minor but obviously something I love - that I was gay. I’m actually technically bisexual (and also technically straight if you count my gender and not my perceived gender), but I find that 99% of the time I like the ladies very much plzkthnx. I don’t really know why I said it; probably because I haven’t...
6 tags
"Not trans enough."
I have nightmares of waking up one day, realizing I’m not ftm, but I’m just self-conscious to the extreme. I’m sure my parents would be happy if that were to happen (I love my parents, and they’re trying their best; more on that another time) but the humiliation would be so great that I can taste it presently. So I’m all about validation, even though the trans*...
11 tags
Introduction (Finally)
Hello,
I’m a ftm transgender, American, a bit of a chub (I’m workin’ on it), with really annoying hair that grows like a Shetland pony’s and needs to be cut even though it hasn’t even been a month. I am messy and if I were to take a picture of my floor, you wouldn’t be able to see it under my laundry. I couldn’t smile correctly if my life depended on...
10 tags
Probably the worst part about college is the fact that I can’t get my mail at any time. I have to wait for the lady to come in, because apparently we can’t just have people work it in shifts throughout the day, like they do with the front desk.
There’s probably a reason why they don’t have it open all day, but I’m irrational. My binder is right there and I...
3 tags
I’m writing out a possible signature now, and it feels vaguely silly, like a teenager putting their name with the name of their crush. It doesn’t help that my handwriting is very loopy and girly and my cursive look unnatural as fuck.
4 tags
salamanderperch asked: gabe/gabriel is my current fave but THEY'RE ALL GOOD
2 tags
genuwine asked: Names (brainstormed it up with my friend): Raphael (Rafe), Dexter (Dex), Theodore (Teddy), Alexander (Alex), Jasper, Kenneth (Ken), Jefferson, Chase, Lucas, William (Liam or Will), Joseph (Joe), Nicholas (Nick), Nathaniel (Nate). Hope this helps in anyway and good luck :)
